Rumplestiltskin's Council of Evil
by vamp of alium sativum
Summary: When Belle is pushed over the town line and loses her memory, all Rumplestiltskin can think of is revenge. And who better to help him accomplish his goals than... What, did you really think I was gonna tell you? FINALLY FINISHED!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: did you ever wonder what would happen if some of our favorite villains got together with Rumplestiltskin/Mr. Gold to make life dificult for Captain Hook?

Disclaimer: I own none of these wonderful characters.

"Who's Belle?" These two words echoed in Rumplestiltskin's mind. He couldn't forget the confused look in her eyes, or the look of smug satisfaction on the face of that cursed pirate. Rumple's time since his experiment at the town line had been divided between thinking of ways to get Belle's memory back, and thinking of ways to make Hook pay for making her lose it. He had some ideas as to what to do about Belle, but nothing he could come up with on his own was horrible enough to compare to what Hook had done. This world that Regina had brought them to had stories of great villains, and Rumple would have to summon them to help him. All he had to do was decide on which ones.

A/N: That's it until you read and review to suggest who should be in the council of evil.


	2. The Loki Chapter

Chapter 2.

Disclaimer: still don't own anything.

A/N: the Loki Chapter. It's probably going to be longer than chapter 1. Ghost Rider of the Aragon gave me the idea for the Loki chapter. And cynicsquest gave me the idea for using the citizens of Storybrooke against Hook. So I'm just going to combine both ideas and have Rumple use Loki to use the citizens of Storybrooke. Cat4444's ideas will come in one of the final chapters. Read on, dearie!

Before Rumple made such a life changing decision, he decided to do some research. World Wide Web. The closest thing that this world had to magic before the curse was broken. Oodles of information were available to even the stupidest person at the click of a mouse. And he was the only one in Storybrooke with a computer. The minute he fired up his shiny new PC, he knew what to look for. He typed "recent movie villains" into the search engine and he came up with some guy called "Loki." More research revealed that Loki is the Norse god of mischief. The more Rumple though about it, the more he realized that the torture of Hook should start out slow. Mischief was a good start, then he'd move on to something a little more painful. Like torture.

Somewhere in New York City…

Just as Loki was replacing someone's espresso with decaf coffee, he felt an odd sensation tugging him away from the mug. Coffee spilled everywhere as he was pulled into a glowing purple portal. When the spinning stopped and he landed on his feet, he was in a dark, dusty shop that was filled with a variety of random stuff. Suddenly an older man with a cane appeared before him.

"And just who might you be?" Loki asked

"I am Mr. Gold, the owner of this fine establishment. You're a great god of mischief, am I correct?" Rumple replied.

"Yes, and how may I be of service to you, Mr. Gold?"

"I need revenge. Find Hook, make his life hell, and bring a report to me. I don't care what you do, as long as he regrets everything. Your reward shall be great."

"And where do you suggest I find this 'Hook,'" Loki asked, clearly intrigued.

"Start at Granny's, and don't stop until you find him!" Rumple commanded.

"What's in it for me?" Loki asked innocently. He had a tone to his voice that made Rumple doubt his choice of henchman. On the other hand, if this guy could annoy him, the Dark One this much, what could he do to a mere evil pirate captain?

Hook was walking down the street alone, or so he thought. All of a sudden, a strange man in a weird black and green suit of armor popped up alongside him, and started to follow him. At first, Hook was amused by this guy's stray puppy routine, and took the long way around to the various places that pirates go. After running around Storybrooke all day (with Loki following closely behind), Hook decided to stop by Granny's for dinner and a round or two with the dwarves.

He sat down at the bar. A glance around the room told him that the weirdo in the green armor was no longer following him. At that moment, Ruby materialized at his side. "what can I get for you?" she asked sweetly. Hook was a bit worried at the absence of his newfound follower, and warily replied. "I…I…I'll have the fish and chips. And a mug of ale." Ruby immediately moved to the window and shouted " I need a Friday's choice with a Joan of Arc and a muga beetle blood!" into the kitchen. Hook became nervous, since he didn't understand diner slang. Loki waited until the moment Hook's order was placed to possess the line cook. Loki, in the cook's body, made the exact opposite of Hook's order. He made an overcooked hamburger with onions, and a side of mashed potatoes and poured a lovely mug of coffee. When the altered order was finished, he yelled out "order up!" and Ruby, clearly distracted by the handsome pirate didn't realize that it was not what Hook ordered. She set it down and walked away to serve the other customers, but the captain called her back over. "This is not what I ordered." He said, frustrated. Ruby looked down at his plate, then back at his face. I don't know what happened. That is clearly "make a Hockey-puck cry in the fog with a belly warmer," but I know that I said "Friday's choice with Joan of Arc and a beetle blood." As she was apologizing, the man in the green and black armor popped up between them and screamed "LOKI'D!" at the top of his lungs. As fast as he had appeared, he disappeared and headed back to Mr. Gold's shop.

A/N: if the followers of this story would review after reading, it would be much appreciated. If you leave suggestions, I'll do my best to work some of them into the story.


	3. The Darth Vader Chapter

Chapter 3

A/N: The Darth Vader chapter. I came up with this one on my own. Rumple is slightly disappointed with Loki's methods, so rumple…uh…um…eliminates him. (sorry Avengers fans) Darth Vader seems to be a more promising…uh…um…candidate. And I'm sorry if I didn't get Loki right. I based him on the mtv video where he plays a bunch of stupid pranks on his co-worker, not necessarily the movies.

Disclaimer: I. Own. NOTHING!

Our third chapter begins with the Norse god of mischief explaining his deeds to the Dark One. Loki has given a not-so brief overview of his day with Captain Hook, and Mr. Gold is getting more irritated by the minute

"…So then I went with him to the diner!" Loki said, obviously pleased with himself.

"You'd better hope that the good part is coming up soon, or you'll find yourself out of a job." Rumple said coldly. As Rumple listened to Loki ramble about switching Hook's order at the diner, he realized something. He was tired of sitting here listening to this strange man blather on about his day of bothering Captain Hook. Rumple wanted more out of a villain than 'bothering." He needed pain. A lot of pain. Just as Loki was getting to the climax of his wonderful story, Mr. Gold cut him off. "I'm sorry, Mr. Loki, but I'm afraid your mischief isn't quite what I was either expecting, or needing. I'm afraid you're out of a job. Go be mischievous somewhere else." With that, Rumple picked him up and threw him into the first portal that he could summon to send him away. Loki disappeared into the portal, and a different being came out. This thing was dressed in black from head to toe, and he had a long flowing cape. To top off his strange appearance, this creatue had a strange helmet on, and it made his breathing sound like that of an asthmatic person. Mr. Gold had no choice but to greet him.

"hello." Gold said.

"Wheeeeze-hccckkkh" Vader said menacingly.

"Who might you be?" Gold asked.

"Wheeeeze-hccckkkh" Vader answered

"I'm looking for someone evil. You look evil to me. And you sound evil. Am I correct?

"Wheeeeze-hccckkkh." Same answer as before.

"I'll take that as a yes. Find the pirate with the hook hand, and make him PAY! If you do as I ask, I'll return you to your home."

"Wheeeeze-hccckkkh." With that, Vader gave a slight bow and went to do his new master's bidding.

*0o0o0o0o0o0*

Hook went back to his hotel room after the fiasco at the diner. The man in the green armor really freaked him out, and he had a double order of chips with his fish. After dinner, he went to his room at the inn, and had a good night's sleep. He laid in bed, thinking and listening to the sounds that the old in was making. He heard the air conditioner come on and go back off. He heard the occupants of the room above his walking around. He listened to the traffic on the street for a while, and then he heard something different. It sounded as if an asthmatic giant was standing over his bed. That was impossible. He'd had enough weirdness for a lifetime last night. He rolled over sleepily to see what was happening. He opened his eyes, and saw a menacing figure standing over him.

"Who the hell are you?!" Hook asked, jumping awake.

"Wheeeeze-hccckkkh." Darth said, holding out his hand toward Hook.

"What are you doing in my room?! Why are you holding your hand out menacingly toward my throahhhhcchhk" Hook asked as Vader used the force to strangle him.

"Wheeeeze-hccckkkh. Wheeze-hccckkkh." He said calmly. Hook was starting to make the same sounds as he did. Just as hook passed out, Granny came in to bring Hook his breakfast. Mr. Gold was following her around asking for the rent. When he saw what was happening to the captain, he stepped between hook and Vader and stopped the force. He then opened a portal and sent Darth Vader away to a world that was not necessarily his own. Rumple was going to have to find a slower way to punish Hook.

A/N: I was having issues with how to write the "Darth Vader breath noise" this morning. I had my sister imitate it a few times, then I got it. "wheeze-hccckkkh" seemed to be the best option that I came up with. As always, read and review and your idea might end up in the next chapter!


	4. The Vector Chapter

Chapter 4

A/N: The Vector chapter. From Despicable Me. This wonderful idea came from my five year old cousin. So if you don't like it, blame the five year old.

Disclaimer: I own neither Once Upon a Time nor Despicable Me.

Vector was bored. He'd eaten all of the coco-nutties, messed with his security system and toasted the mailman, shrunk everything in sight with his shrink ray, and shot all of the piranhas out of his piranha gun. He'd even stolen some new weapons out of Gru's lair. Actually, it was the garbage from Gru's lair, but he didn't care. Everything that he had ever dreamt of doing, he had done. Now all he had been doing was eating cookies and surfing the internet, looking for something interesting. One day while he was surfing, he came across a jobs listing. Some guy in Maine needed help from a villain. Apparently, he was looking for revenge on some guy who had stolen his wife, and forced his new girlfriend into a state of amnesia. This sounded like a job for…VECTOR!

Emma looked out the window at the office. Just a normal day in Storybrooke, Maine. Everybody minding their own business, yet they knew everything about everybody. Ruby, headed to Granny's to serve the breakfast crowd. She was obviously running late. Leroy, headed to the mines for his job as a dwarf. Mr. Gold, walking around, asking for the rent. So much of the same thing.

She'd viewed this same scene every day since she'd become Sheriff. Suddenly something, or rather, someone new came around the corner. He was trying to be sneaky, which was stupid, considering everyone was staring at him. It was weird enough that there was a new person in town. Everyone noticed when something changed. It didn't help that he was wearing a bright orange suit, and carrying a huge duffel bag of the same cornea-stinging shade. During her years as a bail-bondsperson, Emma had learned that bright colors of any kind were not conducive to sneakiness. Let alone bright orange. That color was like police bait. As such, she got her badge and gun from the drawer and went out to trail him. She got into her Bug and waited for him to walk further away. As the man in the orange suit rounded the corner, she pulled away from the curb. She caught up to him just as he was heading into Mr. Gold's shop. She parked and went to the door pulling her gun, Emma barged into the shop, looking for someone to shoot at. As soon as she cleared the door, she heard a click, and something wet and slimy attached to the back of her head. She reached up to inspect the damage. As she was looking around, the odd man in the orange suit jumped out of the shadows.

"Squid-Gun!" he shouted. He then broke out into what can only be described as his own personal happy dance. "Oh, yeah!" he said, waving around the gun. By this time, Emma had gotten the squid off of herself, and was staring at this crazy person.

"Who're you?" she asked, still trying to get over the fact that he shot a_ squid_ at her. He abruptly stopped his dance when he realized that his victim wasn't taken out. He was even more surprised that she didn't know who he was.

"I am VECTOR! It's a mathematical term, represented by and arrow with both _direction_ and _magnitude._ VECTOR! That's me, because I commit crimes with both _direction_ and _magnitude._ Oh yeah!" he answered, re-starting his happy dance. By this time, Emma was torn between taking him to the station to charge him with…something, and taking him to have his head examined by the cricket. She decided on the station. Breaking and entering. Assaulting a member of the police force. That would have to be enough. Emma interrupted his happy dance to put the cuffs on him. _Should have brought the squad car._

Emma somehow figured out the answer to the question "how do you get a perp into the back of a VW Bug?" and locked Vector in the holding cell. She then sat down at her desk to see what he had in his bag. The squid gun. The piranha gun. Three sets of the same hideous orange pajamas. "Hey, 'Vector,' why do you wear pajamas all the time?" she asked innocently. Vector jumped up from the bed and stamped his foot. "They are NOT PAJAMAS! It's a warm up suit." He replied angrily. "What are you warming up for?" she countered annoyingly. "Do you happen to be related to a little girl named Agnes?" he asked. Emma glanced up from the bag. "No. Why do you ask?" Vector plopped back down on the cot. "Never mind. I'm warming up for super cool stuff that you wouldn't understand. Can I have my phone call?" Just as Emma was about to reply, Mr. Gold walked through the door. "Miss Swan, if you would release my employee, I'd appreciate it." he said. Emma couldn't believe her ears. "You mean you _know _this whack-job who broke into your shop?" "Yes, and I'd like him back. Please." Emma didn't know what was wrong, but if it was important enough to make Mr. Gold say please, she felt that she had to comply. So Gold and Vector both left, each going his own direction. Mr. Gold went to his shop, and Vector went to find Captain Hook.

Captain Hook was resting in his cabin on the Jolly Roger, thinking about the events of the last week. _What in the hell was that black thing? How did he choke me by simply holding out his hand? What was wrong with his breathing? Why the helmet? And that weirdo at the diner… Who was he? What was with the goofy helmet? Maybe the hamburger would have been a good change. Those mashed potatoes came within two minutes of being thrown against the wall. Why would you mash a perfectly good potato? Way better fried. What is going on with the weird characters in Storybrooke…_ Hook's musing was interrupted by the sound of footsteps on deck. _Oh, great, more weirdoes. _Hook opened his eyes and saw something come flying at his face. "Vector's squid gun strikes again! Oh, yeah!" the strange man said, while starting to dance. Hook sat bolt upright and removed the fish from his face. He'd had enough of the weird people coming after him. He reached out and put Vector in a choke hold. "Who. Are. You," Hook demanded angrily. Vector started to turn blue. "Ve…ctorrr" he gasped through his collapsing windpipe. Hook wasn't satisfied with the answer he got. He squeezed harder. "Why are you here?" the captain shouted. "Mr…..Gold." Vector answered, right before he passed out. _Great. Once again, the crocodile refuses to confront me. _

Hook wanted to get rid of Vector, so he took his unconscious body over to Mr. Gold's shop. Since Mr. Gold wasn't there, he deposited Vector in front of the door. Hog tied. Using only knots that pirates know how to tie and untie. If Vector woke up before he was released, he would be really, really uncomfortable. He left a note for Gold and left. Not ten minutes later, Rumplestiltskin came back to his shop. He was surprised to find Vector laying there. Then he saw the note stuck to his door. It read: "Come after me yourself, you cowardly croc."

A/N: sorry I couldn't come up with a better (funnier) ending note. Hopefully there's enough goofiness going on just by including vector in the story. R&R


	5. The Smeagol Chapter

Chapter 5

A/N: The Smeagol chapter. Smeagol won't be exactly the same as he is in the movie or book in this story. Imagine Gollum/Smeagol with ADD, and gummi worms, and that's how he is. Another one of my own ideas, because we loves the way it talkses.

Rumplestiltskin sat in a corner at the library. Usually he just came here to remember the real Belle, the Belle from back home. How interested she was in his library, how happy she was as she worked. How upset she was about chipping the teacup. The look of sheer terror on her face when he told her that her duties would include skinning children for their pelts. How she came to love the monster that he had become. Rumple even thought about how he had rejected her. How could anyone love such a horrible monster? Why hadn't he believed her? Had he thrown away a chance for true love? No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't turn back the clock. He couldn't go back and change anything. The only way to fix everything was in the future.

But today, Rumplestiltskin had gone to the library to research villains in classic literature. After three attempts to get revenge on Hook, Rumple had been sorely disappointed. Loki was too focused on mischief to do any real damage. Vader was not imaginative enough. Vector, though imaginative, was too…silly, juvenile... weak. And he let Hook catch him. Thanks to Vector, Hook knew who was behind the strange characters. Rumplestiltskin needed something more, someone sneakier, stronger, more evil. And that's why he was at the library, looking for a sneaky, evil character. He came across a book that looked promising in the teen fantasy section. _The Lord of the Rings._ All three volumes in one book. Hopefully, he'd find who he needed in this fine selection. He took it home with him, and would do nothing other than read and eat junk food until he was done with it. Three days later, Mr. Gold had read the entire trilogy, and eaten through multiple bags of candy. Even though he had found his villain on day two, he kept reading. The story pulled him in. He went back to the library to get the other books by Mr. Tolkien. He read through The Hobbit in a matter of hours. He liked this book even better. He wanted to reach into the pages and take The One Ring for himself. And in a manner of speaking, he did. Rumplestiltskin reached in and grabbed the ring out of the book. But he was surprised at what came along with the ring. Apparently, Gollum had been wearing the ring to go fishing when Rumple reached through, and he kept it on as it was pulled through the portal. As soon as he was through, it fell off his finger, and he became visible. Gollum was squatted down, and he had his hands clasped together, like he was just grabbing at a fish when he was taken out of Middle Earth.

Smeagol looked at his empty hands, then up at the ceiling. This was the first time he realized that he wasn't in his cave anymore. He looked around, and his eyes came to rest on Mr. Gold.

"What's it doing?" the creature wailed. "Famished, we are, precious! Famished!" Mr. Gold looked at Smeagol in alarm. "We Must STARVE!" the creature continued. "Our only wish, to catch a fish, so juicy sweet! And you ruinsed it!" With that, the creature collapsed into a sobbing heap. Rumple really started to freak out then. He looked frantically around the shop, trying to find something to calm this sad creature. "It's okay… we'll find something…umm, let's go into the kitchen for breakfast. I'll make you some scrambled eggs." He said, relieved that he had found a solution. He didn't expect the reaction that he got out of the distraught creature. "Eggses? No! We hates them. We _detests_ them. Stupid fat hobbitses, eating nasty eggses and taters! We would rather eat wormses! Slimy, slithery, muddy wormses! GOLLUM, GOLLUM!" Rumplestiltskin was taken aback. _Why this hatred for eggs? Scrambled eggs are my favorite….Oh, the riddles. He thinks that eggs were his undoing. _Rumple thought to himself. He looked around for another option. Then he remembered the part bag of gummi worms by his favorite reading chair, and he went to get them.

When he came back into the shop, Smeagol was no longer where Rumple had left him. He found him crouched in the corner, with his hands on his head, muttering to himself. "Come on out, Smeagol. I won't hurt you." Rumple said gently. Smeagol responded by cowering even deeper into the corner, and burying his head in his knees. Rumple decided to use a trick that he had seen in a movie from the early 80's, called E.T. The little boy with the pet alien used candy to lure the monster out of hiding. Gollum said he would eat worms, so Rumple left a trail of gummi worms leading out to the middle of the room. At first, Smeagol was too wrapped up in his pity party to notice anything, but then he smelled something sweet, and fruity, and good. He saw the bright translucent blue worm lying on the floor. He picked it up and looked at it. He sniffed it, then looked at it again. He dangled it over his mouth, much like a mother bird dangles food over her babies' mouths. Smeagol clamped his lips around one end, and slurped until the worm disappeared. With a cackle of delight, he moved on to the next one, which was red. Then green. Then yellow. He repeated the same process as with the first one, until he found himself sitting in front of Rumple. "Where's more wormses, precious? We wants more wormses, please!" Rumple realized that he had released a monster. _Great. Smeagol on a sugar buzz._ He thought. _Maybe I can use his newfound addiction to my advantage. _"Okay, we'll go get more worms. But first, you have to do something for me," Rumple said. "Anything for master. We promises master that we will work for wormses. Anything for the wormses. We _swears_ by the precious wormses." Smeagol pleaded pathetically. Rumple stood to his feet. "First, you will give me your ring, so that I know you'll come back." Once Rumple had the ring in his pocket, he continued. "You will find the man with the hook hand. Then, you will torture him until he begs for forgiveness. Then, and only then will you get your precious 'wormses.' Smeagol would do anything to get more of the chewy scrumptious gummi worms, so he immediately took off out the door. Just as Smeagol was leaving, Regina came in. "What was that thing coming out of your shop?" she asked. Rumple immediately went on the defensive. "My new pet. I'm keeping him. and you can't stop me." Regina let out a short laugh. "Why would you want to keep something so ugly and pathetic?" Rumple became more serious. "I have to believe he can come back. He was once a normal being. So was I. Someone almost brought me back, but I didn't let her. I need to know if I can come back by myself."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Hook was lying on a bench on the pier, thinking. It had been almost a whole week since 'vector' had sneaked onto his ship. Since he had dumped the body at Mr. Gold's shop_. Either he is giving up on his revenge plot, or he is taking his time making his next move. _Not wanting to think about Rumplestiltskin anymore, Hook got up and went for a walk. He didn't really know where he was going. He headed toward main street, and started walking up and down the street. Then he saw it. A new store. _Lolly's Candy Emporium._ Very interesting. Hook decided to go in. The first sound that greeted him was the soundtrack to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. _I need some gold teeth anyway._ Hook looked at all the choices before he decided. As he was looking around, he saw Mr. Gold in the "Gummi Aisle." Now that was a surprise. _What is a grumpy old man like that doing in a happy place like this? Might as well force a confrontation._ He went to the same aisle, scooped up all of the gummi worms, and turned on the heel of his boot to go to the register. Mr. Gold was shocked at the man's nerve, stealing candy from Rumplestiltskin. "Might I have my candy back?" he demanded. "Now what does an old man such as yourself need with 20 bags of gummi worms?" Hook countered. "They're not for me. They're for a friend. Now give them back." Rumple said, getting angrier by the second. Hook contemplated the man's request for a few seconds. "Okay. Here's your gummi worms." Hook said, tossing him two bags. The pirate turned and went to pay for his scavenged goodies, and then he left.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Smeagol was in a hurry. _Need more wormses. Must get the precious. _He needed to find the hook man. He searched all day, but couldn't find him. Smeagol was so distraught that he found a dark corner to hide in. _We'll never get the wormses, precious. Never find the hook man. _ Finally after two days of hiding, hunger drove him out of his spot. He headed toward the street, hoping to find some food that someone had dropped on the ground. While he was scrounging, Hook walked by with an open bag of his new favorite candy. Smeagol caught the tantalizing scent of the wormses and started to follow the Lord of the Worms. After Smeagol had followed Hook for a block, the man noticed that he had another follower. _Great. Another freak, sent by the croc to make me pay. _ He turned around to talk to the creature. "Why are you following me?" He said, waving his arms around. Smeagol clearly wasn't listening, because he was watching the bag of candy waving with Hook's every gesture. Smeagol also didn't realize that the precious bag of worms was hooked on Hook's hook, or that this was the man that the master wanted gone. Hook realized that the thing just wanted some gummi worms. He took a handful out of the bag and gave them to it. Smeagol slurped down one after another until they were gone. "Do you have more wormses, precious?" Smeagol asked, looking into the empty bag. "No, not with me. But if you come to my ship with me, I have more there. But first, I must ask who you are." Hook bargained. "No. More wormses first. More wormses, then Smeagol tells you who he is." Smeagol was on such a sugar high that he didn't realize that he'd given up his identity. "Okay, Smeagol. Let's get back to the ship and get you some 'wormses.'"

A/N: So Smeagol ends up being Hook's pet. (until the wormses were all eaten) In the next chapter, Rumple realizes that he's been deserted for gummi worms. I know it's unrealistic that Smeagol would give up the Ring for candy. It's just interesting to me, the thought of Rumple with the Ring of Power.


	6. The Attila the Hun Chapter

Chapter 6

Rating: G-PG/ K-K+

A/N: Welcome back! The Attila the Hun Chapter. Since I'm using movie characters, and the only movie that I have seen that has Attila the Hun in it is Night at the Museum, that version of Attila is the one I shall use. Many thanks to cat4444 for this idea. My reviewers inspire me! I'm truly sorry if your suggestions don't live up to expectations.

Disclaimer: We owns nothing, precious! Nothing!

Hook was angry. His new pet had left him. All the gummi worms were gone. _That's probably why the creature left. No more 'wormses.'_ Hook thought. After stewing over the loss of the creature for a few more minutes, he looked around his ship and saw what a mess Smeagol had left behind. The creature had done nothing but eat gummi worms for two days. Then there was his reaction to all that sugar. Empty candy bags littered the deck. Nothing was where it was supposed to be. And besides that, the _Jolly Roger_ hadn't had a thorough cleaning for years. _No time like the present._ Hook thought. After four whole days of scrubbing, the _Roger_ was back in "ship shape". Hook had never been so sore in his life. His arms were achy, and there was a vertebra out of place in his lower back, and he couldn't get it to pop no matter how he twisted. _Hopefully a few days of rest will fix that, _Hook thought to himself.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Rumple couldn't believe it. He'd been sorely disappointed in all of the villains he'd hand selected to get back at Hook. Loki and Vector were too silly, Darth Vader was too basic. Smeagol was just plain pathetic. Drawn away from his mission by _gummi worms?! _ Rumple had been expecting a lot more from this world's most notorious villains. Maybe the problem was that they were all fictional. He needed a real, non-fictional bad guy. Where better to look than back at the Library?

Rumplestiltskin started in the non-fiction section this time. By dinner time, he had found the time period he wanted his villain from. He came across a history book that covered the life of Attila the Hun around midnight. In reading the summary on the back of the book, Rumple learned that Attila was the most feared ruler in Asia. Surely he who united hordes of Mongols and conquered much of the known world could manage to torture one measly pirate. For a while? Maybe? Rumple figured that it was worth a shot, so he started a portal, and pulled Attila through. What he didn't expect, though, was the wax Attila from the Museum of Natural History in New York City, and all his waxen buddies. _Great. wimpy wax men_. Just as Rumple was about to send the Mongols back to wherever they came from, Attila looked around, and ferociously yelled something at the ceiling, while making a tearing motion with his hands. The other three followed his lead, repeating everything that their leader yelled. _Oh, well. Maybe it'll work after all. _Rumple thought with a shrug. He began to try and tell Attila what he had been summoned for. However, everything that Rumple said was met with an irritated yell at the ceiling, and a frightening motion of the hands, with his posse repeating his every word and motion. From the look of it, they either wanted to pull some homemade taffy, or they wanted to tear someone limb from limb. Mr. Gold guessed the latter. _Good. Motivation and imagination, finally. _Rumplestiltskin thought that tearing someone apart was creative and torturous enough to make Hook sorry. So he began to tell Attila who he was after, and what the reward would be if he was eliminated. Twenty minutes later, Mr. Gold had explained everything with few words and really creative hand gestures. He was confident that they understood everything, so he pointed the Mongols in the right direction and retired for the night. Hopefully all this revenge business would be resolved before Rumple's trip to the Big Apple. He and Emma were leaving with Henry in just a few days

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Since the group of warriors was excited to be free from the museum, they dawdled on their way to find their next victim. At last, they found the Jolly Roger. They climbed on board and sneaked to the Captain's cabin, where they found a sleeping Hook. They stood over him, watching him for a few minutes. Hook stirred in his sleep, still bothered by his sore back. The Mongol king picked up the pirate by the lapels and Hook woke up immediately. However, it was too late to do anything about his predicament. "Who are you? What are you doing? Let me go!" Hook said in the loudest half-awake voice ever. But then he remembered the other strangers who had appeared in Storybrooke. _Oh, Mr. Gold's revenge._ The three warriors each grabbed an arm or a leg, and waited for their fearless leader to join them. "I'll give you much treasure if you just let me go!" Hook begged (in a manly, pirate-like way, of course.) At the mention of treasure, the warriors paused in their proceedings to contemplate whether they wanted pirate treasure, or Mr. Gold's treasure. They obviously decided on Mr. Gold's treasure, because once everyone was at their assigned position, the tugging began. Hook started to panic. _This is gonna get real painful, real fast. _In order to keep from yelling out in pain (a.k.a, screaming…), Hook bit his lip and scrunched his eyes shut. Amazingly, with the men pulling him in all different directions, his back popped back into alignment. At the sound of the sickening pop of moving bone, Hook opened his eyes. _Wow. That was impressive. _He was slightly distracted by how much better he felt. _Hey, look, sunrise!_ As soon as the thought crossed his mind, the warriors released their grip on him, and he landed on the deck with a thud. Hook sat up and looked around for the strange warriors, but all he saw were heaps of dust where they had been standing. _Once again, The Crocodile's plans fail. _

A/N: Tune in next time for the epic conclusion to _Rumplestiltskin's Council of Evil! _


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7.

A/N: The Vampire Chapter. Thank you to Ghost Rider of the Aragon for this lovely idea. Every bit of the plot for this chapter is her idea. WARNING: contains very very slight twibashing. I think. Not too harsh, just trying to avoid rabid twi-fan flames, here! So, without further ado, the final chapter.

Rumplestiltskin had just finished packing his suitcase for his trip to the big city with Henry and Emma. He had just one more thing to do before they left. Though five villains had failed him, He was still hoping against hope that the next one would help him. hopefully this one wouldn't turn to a heap of dust at sunrise like Attila and his friends did. Sadly, he wouldn't have time to see the results before he left for New York. _Choose wisely, Mr. Gold, _he told himself. _Choose someone who can take care of himself. _Vampires were the first creatures that came to mind. They had been some of the most feared creatures on earth for centuries. _One of them should work perfectly. _ Gold summoned a new portal. This time, to avoid confusion, he scanned through his options before making the final decision. The options appeared before him one at a time like a hologram. The first one was short and purple and fuzzy. "Vun, two, three, ah, ah, ah." The counting Count from Sesame Street. Not quite what he was looking for. Rumple moved on to the next one. This one was considerably taller, and not fuzzy. He also had his girlfriend clinging to his side like a frightened child. _He looks like a normal human. Except for the black eyes. And the sparkles. And the ridiculous hairdo. And… _As Rumple was wondering who Edward was, the sparkly vampire bared his teeth, revealing his fangs. _Ah. That explains everything. Moving on!_ Rumple went through a couple more blood suckers before he found one that looked promising. He was tall, and elegantly dressed. His hair was perfectly normal for a man from his era. He didn't have a clingy girlfriend, he had _three _clingy girlfriends: Verona, Marishka, and Aleera. He exuded an air of confidence that made Rumple certain that this was the best choice. So he summoned him through the portal. Surprisingly, his ladies came with him. _Very interesting. Four vampires for the price of one. _In the middle of Rumple's thoughts, the tall vampire interrupted him. "Allow me to introduce myself." He said with a bow. "I am Count Vladislaus Dracula. Born 1422, murdered 1462…" It seemed to Rumplestiltskin that he could go on talking about himself all day, so He interrupted the Count's monologue. "It's a pleasure to meet you. And these lovely ladies are…?" "None of your concern." Dracula snapped. "Now tell me; why did you bring us to this land, you strange little man?" Rumple put on a pouty face for a split second, then told the count of his evil plan.

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Hook was once again sitting at the bar at Granny's, swapping riveting stories of fairytale land with the dwarves. Only… their stories weren't very riveting. So he told most of the stories, and they ordered most of the drinks. In the middle of his story about taking Tiger Lily for a little field trip, the bell over the door rang, and four people walked in. Four strangers. The strangest looking strangers that had ever walked through Storybrooke. As soon as Dracula laid eyes on Hook, he knew that he was the target. He and his brides walked up behind Hook, and just stood there, counting his heartbeats, and salivating over the aroma of his blood. Ruby was also standing near Hook, listening to his stories, and staring at him. She was pulled out of her daydream when she realized that he had stopped spinning his tale. Then she realized that he had stopped spinning his tale because he was being drained of his blood by four vampires. She was momentarily torn between freaking out and killing the vampires. luckily for Hook, she didn't decide for herself. Her wolf instinct took over and she epically fursploded, leapt over the counter, and engaged the vampires in battle. Within a matter of minutes, the vampires were dead, and Red was standing victoriously over the bodies. Hook walked out of the diner,down to the pier, and got on his ship and set sail for New York City to find the Crocodile.

A/N: Please leave a review and tell me what you think about my very first completed multi chapter fanfic!

Is anyone else excited that August is coming back? Swanochio forever!

When season 2 started, I was on team Hook, so to speak. Not anymore. *fangirl freak-out* HE ALMOST KILLED RUMPLESTILTSKIN! Rumplestiltskin is just plain awesomer than Hook. With the magic and everything… and Henry's grandpa can't die!


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